Wednesday, May 5

I'm starting our story from the day his deployment ended. These entries are composed from memory, my journal entries, and the notebook I used to log Jay's unusual behavior.


Visitation Day

Even though I had just dropped Jay off at the hospital yesterday I am ecstatic that today is visitation day. It's from 6-7:30pm which puts me on the edge of downtown right at rush hour. I spent the night with Grannie which is north of the hospital. I had to battle the bumper to bumper snake-line around the city. Thankfully, it was an easy trip with little exiting and merging and everyone around me seemed calm and patient.

My nerves were shot by the time I got there. I had stopped earlier to get him a calling card, a magazine and a few other things. I got WAY down the interstate when I realized I hadn't ever bought the calling cards which were the most important thing. I stopped at one gas station but they didn't have any. I didn't want to fool around guessing if another gas station might have some so I back-tracked to where I knew there was a Walmart. With my mistake, the traffic and me getting slightly lost once I got in the area, I ended up being about 20 minutes late.

He didn't care. I had been led to the cafeteria where we are allowed to visit. I waited for him to come down and when he popped around the corner he was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. He actually smiled. I hadn't seen that in several days and it was so wonderful. We sat at the table and tried to talk while Rush kept himself busy with a salt shaker. There are no toys in the area and I don't believe I am allowed to take any items into the cafeteria. It appears that visitation is going to be a little frustrating. It's hard for a five year old to sit still for an hour and a half.

We sat there holding hands and occasionally just laying our heads down on the table. We are emotionally exhausted and it was nice to just sit together, touching, but with no pressure to speak. I wonder how long he will be there. Dr. W told me to expect 6 weeks but to not be surprised by 2 1/2 months. The lady who admitted him said that a baseline is 28 days. When I talked to Jay he said his doctor told him a couple weeks.

I don't want to rush him because I want him to be well. But, I just miss him so badly. We have already done the deployment. This is the time that we are supposed to be together getting to be a family again. I have had it with the Army life. It's not for me. It's not for Jay. I'm finished. Since he joined the Army nearly FOUR years ago we have spent 14 months together. And two of those months were block leave and R&R. Jay has missed three out of Rush's five birthdays. We have spent one anniversary together. Enough already. I. AM. DONE.