Monday, May 10, 2010

Visitation Day

Sunday was visitation day and I spent the whole morning begging for the afternoon to hurry up and arrive. I can only visit Jay from 2:30-4pm. Not nearly enough time. It was Mother's Day and my mother-in-law (the other-mother) was supposed to show up with Jay's dad and niece. I was kinda jealous because I only have three hours a week to spend with him and I don't want to share. BUT he does need to see other people so I will graciously step aside if others want to visit.

I don't know why I even thought that they'd really show up. As I was sitting in the parking lot, getting ready to go in, I got a call from the-other-mother. "Emme," in a sad, little voice, "We aren't going to be able to make it." WHY? "Jay's dad didn't get up in time and hasn't had a shower." Ummm, really? This is your excuse? I said, "Don't worry. I'll let him know you tried." Later I learned that Jay's dad told his grandmother that they hadn't come because the niece was sick. Which is it? Whatever.

Here is what you missed! Jay walked into the cafeteria holding two little flowers. He had them sticking out of eye-drop bottles. One for me and one marked 'mom'. AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!!! Yours just wilted in my car along with any raveling of respect I ever could have mustered for you. SHAME. ON. YOU.

I have become incredibly protective of Jay's feelings. I will destroy the person who makes him sad. Luckily, I suppose, he's been dealing with this family his whole life and expects this type of behavior. He wasn't the least bit surprised. Disappointed for sure, but not surprised. I do not accept this. I have been nice for years because Jay is determined to build a relationship with his parents. He keeps trying and keeps trying. And over and over again they just keep letting him down. It's hard to watch. He wants for us to be the bigger people and let things go. I keep holding my tongue because he wants me to. I don't know how much longer I can keep my mouth shut.

On a positive note, Jay looked amazing! He was cheerful and very happy that a friend from work had stopped by for a few minutes. I loved seeing the surprised look on his face when he saw his friend sitting at the table. He was completely unexpected and perhaps helped guard Jay's heart a little from his parents' absence.

Jay experienced one little episode while I was there. He was mid-sentence about the cafeteria lady when he suddenly stopped speaking, got a blank look, started having his breathing tic for about 30 seconds, then began his sentence again. He was also startled by the air conditioner kicking on. But, all in all he seemed so much like himself.

I learned that the zombie-like behavior he was exhibiting before wasn't because of too much medication. It was sensory overload. He's missing alot of memories from that first week home. For example, I brought up the neighbor's break-in and how I had called the cops. He didn't remember that day at all. At the time his brain must have just shut off from all the excitement. It was explained to him as if he was living his life thru the lens of a video camera but it wasn't recording.

He is doing much better now. Initially, we were told he might be in there for a couple months. But now it looks like maybe he will be home in three weeks or so. That, plus the week he has just finished would be the classic 28 days. I hope that it is enough. At this point I don't even care. I just want him home. I just want to take care of him again. If he never drives again, if he never works again, if he can never step foot in Walmart again, I don't care. I just want our family back together. Of course, I want him to get well. And I will wait as long as it takes. But sometimes I can't help but think we can just shut the world out and make our own reality.

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