Thursday, May 6

Today is my first day with no physical contact with Jay since he got home from Afghanistan. He was admitted on Tuesday and visitation was yesterday. Today I am on my own. We've been apart so much that being without him is quite normal. But being away from him when he is sick is breaking my heart. I know that this is a journey he needs to take on his own but I can't help but want to at least hold his hand while he goes thru it.

I waited all day to see if he would call. I finally called him around 9pm. I figured he was waiting til just before bedtime to call me like he did when he was deployed (which he was) but I just couldn't wait. I needed to hear his voice. I needed to hear that he was upbeat and positive. I needed him. We only spoke for a few minutes before he was called away by something. But those few minutes put me at ease.

One of the things I was looking forward to at the end of deployment was finally being able to walk from room to room without worrying where my cellphone was. I guess I am still chained to this thing for a little while longer.